I couldn’t make her understand. Tears were in her eyes and a
wall in her mind blocked my logic. She didn’t want me here
pleading in her living room anymore. She loved me, but she
wanted me gone. The more I stayed the more I hurt. Yet the
pain was all that I had left of our relationship. And if I was
here then I wasn’t alone yet. It delayed me facing the
emptiness, along with the sleepless nights, the lack of
appetite, the piles of laundry, the stale air of my house
from being shut in for days and then weeks.
We had broken up before, several times to be honest. But, this time carried with it a taste of finality, like acid in the back of our throats. I hated the thought of now becoming just me, and no longer a guy with a girlfriend. How would I do it? How would she…well, she had that other guy she met at adultfrinendfinder, so I guess that made things easier for her. I wouldn’t be so lucky. I would become single. I would have to call the buddies that I neglected all too often to spend frivolous time with her. We would have to go out into the unwelcoming weekend nights, into the jungles of bars and clubs of downtown Phoenix, Tempe, and Scottsdale. We’d get drunk and
roll the dice, and always miss more than we ever hit.
I wanted to be done looking. Damn it! I didn’t want to go
back out there. I didn’t want to take the lessons I learned
with her and try to apply them to a different person at a
different time. If she would just listen, I’d look past her
cheating, I had once already. But she couldn’t hear past
that wall she raised upon which the dreams of our future
became tiny insignificant bug splats.
That night ended and the lines of what I should have said
rolled through my head like an endless scrolling LED sign. I
talked to everyone I could. I found counsel with friends and
tried to stay busy. Still she haunted me through life. I
found her hair when I washed my pillow cases. I had to say
her name when I canceled our dance lessons. This song or
that song was the one she’d burned to a CD for me. Her
MySpace said “Single” now. The necklace she gave me burned
heart-shaped scab into my chest. The hole she once filled
was all I had left and willingly I fell into it each day.
Eventually, I came here. I stumbled upon the seduction community and
chandeliers of ideas exploded in my head. The question
etched itself more boldly on my brain as I turned each page:
Would it all work on her?
“Hey, it’s me.”
“Pick a number between 1 and 10 but don’t say what it is.”
“It’s 7, right?”
“Yeah, what!? How did you…”
“I think I’m becoming psychic.”
“Whatever. No you’re not.”
“Yeah, I went to this palm-reading lady and she had me do
this intuitive test called The Cube. I think it made me
“Really, what was it?”
“Well, it’s called The Cube and it tells you all about
yourself in a few questions. So first question…”
I demonstrated higher value, I disqualified, I elicited
values, I showed pre-selection, I sank neuro-linguistic
programming anchors every chance I got, and I built jealousy
plotlines like the ancient Egyptians build pyramids. To her
I became the all new attractive and exciting model of me. We
were together again, watching movies, having dinner, taking
road trips, and screwing like rabbits might on the night
before bunny Armageddon.
Almost a perfect story, but I couldn’t keep it up forever. I
had only whitewashed the exterior of a rotting house. Inside
I was still hurt and unconfident. I juggled a good game for
a few months and then the bottom dropped out. And this time
our biting actions and burning words scarred our memories of
each other forever.
Now, many of you like I, came here for her, that one girl
that you are broken for. Often I am asked “How do I get her
back?” And yes I know the prescription for your affliction,
it’s my own design. Yet to take that pill into your heart
is to invite doom there. It is the sin of vanity to seek to
resuscitate that which has died, to create your own
relationship monster of Frankenstein. The truth is that if
you manage to get her back it will self-destruct again.
There’s too much hurt surrounding you both to make it right.
I know this truth doesn’t dispel the hurt. In fact, it takes
some hard work on your part to move past it, but, you can
make it go away forever. There is no quick fix. You can use
this community and it’s teachings to spackle over your
faults, however, this never allows you to rebuild your house
of attraction to its maximum height. We have all the secrets
you wish you knew since you first wanted to kiss a girl
instead of just pull her ponytails. If you put in the time
and effort to truly learn, then you become better. You can
mold yourself to be the life of the party, the guy with
the girlfriend of his dreams, the guy not afraid to approach
any woman you are attracted to.
Today, after the hurt is over I’m glad that I had her. I’m
glad that together we ripped a hole in my heart because
without it I wouldn’t have met all of you. I wouldn’t have
learned to be the man I am today. So embrace the pain and
make it the fuel that lights your fire of self-improvement.
Don’t go after her and re-open the dark door of hurt, it
always ends one way.